Xi'an, Why Are You So Far Away?

         AND WHY THE @#$% ARE WE ARRIVING AT 5:20 AM?!?! 

If you know me, you know that I don't operate before the hours of ... morning. Let's rewind a bit... last Thursday, July 22, we departed for Xi'an at about 3 pm, and after an 11-hour train ride, arrived at 5 am earrrrrrrrrly Friday morning (yes, I know the math doesn't add up, there was other travel in the mix). Thankfully we had "beds" (planks of wood with sheets on top), so I slept about 5 hours. 

At this point, CET decided to play a little game. This game turned out to be a 12-hour scavenger hunt, which started like this. "Okay, I hope you enjoyed the train ride, see you at the hotel!" And just left us there. So after 30 minutes of scrambling around to find a taxi-driver that actually knew where our hotel was, we got to the hotel by 6:15 am ... only to get more fun games from CET. The scavenger hunt mandated that we go to 5 different historic places around the city, all before 6 pm. Then we could turn in our answers to various questions, for the chance to win 400-650 RMB for our team. Our team consisted of 5 people: me, my roommate, and three other students, one of whom was fluent in Chinese. So, at the very least, we had 2 fluent speakers of Chinese, and absolutely zero knowledge of Xi'an. (if you also have no knowledge of Xi'an, read this!)

The first place we went to was the Chinese-Muslim district, where they had some of the strangest foods I had ever seen. We had to sample three types of food, and we chose to sample burnt rice topped with black dates, a delicious fried bun filled with syrup, and a mutton soup that numbed your entire mouth (had a spice called 麻, sorry, I don't know the English, although all the dictionaries call it Hemp.... lol). Following this, we went to Starbucks and had a real breakfast, we were all half-dead from exhaustion. 

at least it was a kick-ass Starbucks...

We spent the rest of the day traveling to museums and historic sites. I'm going to condense this into a few pictures, since most of the places we went weren't super interesting, unless you love museums. (some of these pictures span two days)

We stayed in the most luxurious hotel I've ever seen.

This picture doesn't fully do it justice

We went to the city walls, which extend as far

as the eye can see. In ancient times, the walls

were 7.5 times longer than they are today ... wow.

And they had cannons, which I promptly rode...

to the great displeasure of the security attendants.

From there, we moved on to a Buddhist museum.

The actual Confucian analects tablets. 

This was kind of humbling to see.

(at a separate museum)

Ancient seals (name engravings) at another museum

These were 4000+ years old, preserved underground.

Underground remnants of pottery and such. 

By far the coolest museum, as the museum 

itself was physically located underground.

Most of this occurred during the scavenger hunt, but a few of the museum shots were from museums we went to after visiting the legendary Terra Cotta Soldiers (my next post). 

Finally, the WORLD'S BEST ENGRISH.

the back of a condom wrapper in our hotel.

More Than Enough Kevins in Beijing

On July 20th, another one of my good high school friends, Kevin Watford, came in to hang out and experience Beijing. Yep, the same Kevin I went to visit about 6 weeks in Shanghai. Sadly, I had quite a busy week, and we only got to hang out a few times. Tuesday night, after I finished all my work, we headed to the famous shopping district of Wangfujing to check out the goods. 

Wangfujing is one of those places that embodies the typical juxtaposition of new, luxurious China, and the absolute shit that is the older Chinese hutongs (dirty, back alleys). But, for me, the best part of China is seeing these hutongs, where all kinds of dirty business goes down. Bargaining is a must, which is a talent of mine, since I love yelling at people in Chinese, and am relatively stubborn. They also had Chuanr (串) of every kind, which is basically meat, fruit, veggies, or (apparently) insects skewered on a stick and grilled or boiled. Here, the specialty was cockroaches, or LIVE scorpions on a stick. By live, I mean that they were still moving, and you picked one and watched as they slapped live insects on a grill. Sadly, I don't have photos, but here's someone else's photos.

The next day, Wednesday, we headed out to Summer Palace (颐和园), which is what it sounds like, the place where the emperor would take his "summer vacation." And what a vacation home. We spent about five hours here just walking around, then hiked up to the very top to see a breathtaking view of nearly all of Beijing and KunMing Lake. Pictures to follow.

Entrance Plaque: Yi He Yuan

An ornate gate, serving essentially no real purpose

Where else can you get hundreds of slaves to 

decorate the underside of your roof?

Kevin Watford's dad pointed out this:

each stone was placed by hand into the sidewalk. 

There's got to be over a mile of this ornate sidewalk,

with flowers and other designs inlaid into the pavement.

I guess when you have unlimited free Chinese slave labor,

anything's possible!

The summer palace is bordered by the beautiful KunMing Lake

Then we climbed to the very top

On the way, a woman was doing the typical 

over-priced "write your name in some Asian style"

In addition to some Buddhist temples, 

the very top had some incredible views

including the lake, where you can apparently rent 

paddle boats or take a ride on this dragon-boat thing

After heading to Summer Palace, I had to return home to study for my test. Then on Thursday, we only had time to get lunch, because CET was taking us on a three-day trip to Xi'an. Xi'an was quite a trip, more on that next time. 

Zoo+Houhai+Cole

Cole, a good friend from high school happened to venture into Beijing this past week, so I showed him the unique parts of Beijing that his family's tour wasn't going to cover. Okay, well, some of them, we didn't have much time. Turns out the most interesting pictures come from the Beijing Zoo, which is utterly massive, and an area of Beijing known as Houhai, which is a gorgeous lake area in the daytime and a crazy bar scene at night. And of course, we went to a couple traditional Beijing restaurants, but kinda ran out of time to do much of anything else, since my school schedule plus his ridiculous tour schedule did not workout well. Now his family and the tour group are in Xi'an for a few days, then off to so many other places; the tour sounds amazing. 


This morning we had midterms, which covered 763 new words (yes, we counted), 14 lessons worth of grammar, and a 10 minute speech. Luckily, it sounds worse than it actually was. Now that it's over, I can relax for... 1 day. But next week another one of my good friends from high school, Kevin Watford, who I visited in Shanghai a few weeks ago, is coming up to Beijing with his father to explore the city. And yes, it is crazy awesome that two of my friends randomly decided to pop over to China at the same time, considering that we all scheduled our respective trips separately. 


Tonight we're headed to Laoshe Chaguan, a play called Tea House written by a famous Chinese author called.... Laoshe. Not only is it a traditional Chinese performance, but we also get served traditional snacks and teas, which I'm excited about. I'm sure pictures will be forbidden again, just like the Chinese Acrobatics, so you'll have to live with some pandas for now. 

the zoo had better scenery than the "scenic spots"

ridiculous rhino collection... there were 6 huge ones

where else can you PET zebras

and of course the treasured, priceless, and 

mind-boggingly boring great panda.

as shown here, wasting my time.

the beautiful sights of Houhai

some guy was doing calligraphy with water 

and a brush the size of a baseball bat

each bar has these eclectic couches outside, 

but nothing can beat a Michael Jackson theme

The Gate of Heavenly Peace?

Since I hadn't yet had an opportunity to fully explore Tiananmen Square, I decided to accompany 5 other girls to the square last Friday. I later regretted this decision after some sort of whiny-bitch-fight broke out amongst two of them. Ladies, I thought we were past this after we graduated from high school. The rest of the time was spent awkwardly talking to a group of three of them, or the other group of two. 

Aside from this unfortunate scenario, Tiananmen is quite the sight. I might have had more time to enjoy it if I hadn't been dragged into to innumerable pictures with Chinese tourists, which I have painstakingly recounted for you below.

(华: is the average Chinese tourist, M: is me)

In English:

       华: Hi, width me kin you hit a pitchers? 

       M: Oh, you want picture? (cue overly-flamboyant hand motion miming picture-taking)

       华: Yah! Picture, ok, I give friend hit pitcher.

Picture taken.

In Chinese:

       M: 照片好不好看？由于我们在，所以这张照片一定很漂亮，对不对？

             (How's the picture look? Since we're in it, it's absolutely beautiful, right?)

       华: 你会说中文吧？

             (You can speak Chinese?)

       M: 再见！

             (Bye!)

It's always fun to mess with a fellow tourist. Enough chit-chat.... enjoy some photos. 

the square spans a massive area,

right across from the forbidden city

there were two massive screens on either side

of the big pointy monument

the big pointy monument (back side)

Monument to the People's Heroes (?)

the formidable volunteer security force

2nd from left in the right-most line, staring me down

last guy: fail. 

statue by the Maosoleum (tee-hee)

a big awesome-looking museum.

we went there later, but was incredibly boring.

The Mighty Great Wall

The actual Wall wasn't the only absolutely massive thing about this trip. Someone (some idiot) in the administrative ranks of my program thought that "the only way to truly see the Great Wall is to hike up to it." 

Great idea, I thought, until I stepped out of the bus and realized it was about 104 degrees. Oh, no problem, I survived marching band out in 110 degree heat for 4-5 hours, so I can do this. Alright, let's start the hike by winding our way through a mile of uphill pavement, surrounded by crazed old chinese ladies yelling (this works best if you scream it in the worst imaginable fob accent) "HELLO HELLO BEER WATER ICE DRINK" followed by a rousing chorus of "BUY SOH-VEEN-EE-RAY" (souvenir ... i think). Just what I wanted to hear before I'd even eaten breakfast. 

Alright awesome, no more pavement, just a nice dusty tr --- oh what the @$#% are all these stairs.... alright, one at a time.... 600+ times.... alright, we're almost th ---- OMG WTF still not even halfway there. So, after about 70 minutes of climbing stairs (i had to stop a few times to prevent myself from falling over / throwing up), we finally made it to the top. Also, these were not standard size stairs. Some of the steps were taller than my knees, nearly 2 feet high, so it was more akin to rock climbing than stairs. Before I show you the benefits of enduring that ordeal, i need to say this: 

whoever had this idea needs to have a large tarp wrapped around his/her face, and consequently subjected to crossing the largest street in the midst of Beijing traffic. 

However, Mao Zedong once said: "He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man." In fact, there is a stone at the top of some part of the Great Wall with this quote inscribed upon it, called the "Real Man's Stone." (lol) That only slightly makes me feel better...


Of course the Wall itself was amazingly awesome, but what I really enjoyed was the gorgeous landscapes into which the ancient Chinese interwove this massive structure. The mountains were so great, the forests so lush, that I found myself wondering how an enemy army could even navigate through the land, let alone a ridiculously large wall.

we went to the less-touristy Mutianyu portion of the Great Wall

the big characters in the right column say Mutianyu Great Wall

the landscape was gorgeous. 

mountains extending in all directions, 

as far as the eye can see

Characters written during Mao Zedong's rule

It reads: "Believe in Chairman Mao"

....they simply cannot stay away from the propaganda.... 

the Wall is beautifully intertwined with the mountains

special feature: randomly placed cannons

big tower at the top of the mountain

more stairs....

We ventured to and fro atop the Wall's stoney peaks, ate lunch (one popsicle, w00t), and then descended via an extremely sketchy-looking ski-lift-type chair. And right before the chair lift, lay this glorious little gem, just waiting to be mocked:

ENGRISH: #6, the second #3, #4 == lol

Later, I tried to explain to my teacher what pubic sanitation was. 

Look! Gumby! Oh, jk, it's Haibao.

At last, The World Expo. What a sight. I only had about 8 hours here, which after walking around in the absurdly humid, hot, rainy weather, was plenty of time. After about an hour of security checks and waiting to get in, we realized that we were 2/12 non-asian people there. That's right, the whole day I counted exactly 10 other non-asians. Anyway, we managed to see almost every country's pavilion, except for some of the smaller African countries (no one cares about them anyway). 

Unfortunately, the lines to actually go inside the pavilions averaged at about a 3 hour wait. The more interesting ones, like South Korea, Japan, and Singapore were 6 hours. Six hours to get in a stupid building. The first time I saw this, I thought I misread the Chinese on the sign. But then I heard an old Chinese woman complain about it, and I realized I was correct. So we only were able to go into 2 pavilions, Vietnam (I have to be partial to that one), and Israel, because two Israelis saw us in the sea of Asians, and said "Hey, you're with us now," which saved us about 3 hours of waiting in line. 

The most amazing part of the Expo is by far the architecture of each country's pavilion. When I say pavilion, some of these buildings were the size of a full-size sports stadium. The sheer size of the Expo grounds is simply baffling, as well. The interiors of the Israeli and Vietnamese pavilions were also pretty cool. The Vietnamese one had tons of gorgeous traditional artwork and sculptures, while the Israeli one had a super hi-tech panoramic movie projected onto a spherical wall. I would love to include some movies of the pavilions, but the internet here can't handle it. If you're curious, I get about 14-20 KB/s down, and about 30 KB/s up. yep, it blows. 

shopping center where we bought

traditional ceylon-style(?) samosas

Israeli Pavilion

this one had one of the coolest build structures...

it was made of a type of woven wood, 

and looked like a huge bird's nest

some middle eastern country's pavilion, amazing detail

I loved the roof of the Thailand Pavilion

two massive metal pandas

of course Brazil had a big screen with soccer on it

(too bad they already lost)

I believe this was supposed to look like grass?

England's(?) Pavilion

Each strand was a seed capsule from 

every "place" on Earth ... cool idea

USA's Pavilion was of course extremely boring, 

why would Americans care about this thing anyway....

The inside closely resembled the Texas State Fair

China's Pavilion

Clearly the best (and definitely biggest) pavilion,

even though you can't tell it's size from this picture

Another middle eastern country's pavilion

Reminded me of the Sydney Opera House

Artwork in the Vietnam Pavilion

The Vietnam Pavilion also had a stage, 

where I assume some kind of native band performed

I think those are instruments?

So that's the World Expo. It's a real challenge for me to convey the sheer size and grandeur of this venue. But I don't charge you to read this, so if you aren't impressed, just skip onto to my next post, The Great Wall of China. (coming soon)

p.s. this is Haibao